My partner and I both tend to bite off a bit more than we can chew, so when we are working on an idea together, things can get out of control very quickly. We decided to start a food garden. We wanted to grow our own food and be responsible stewards of the land. Did we dig up a small patch and plant a few of our favorites? No. We built an eight foot tall fence around a 46x50 foot garden area, added a potting shed, bought a tiller and a tractor, started plans for a 10x10 greenhouse, and started hundreds of seedlings. Yeah, like I said, we tend to go a bit overboard.

About a month into the new year, I accepted an interim position teaching high school English at my children’s school. I have two businesses and my partner has a full-time job and is a reservist in the military. I mean, why not add another full-time job to this list? Right?!?!

Long story short, the garden got overgrown, seedlings died left and right, and nothing looked good. School ended and I decided I was going to whip that garden into shape by working on it for 4-9 hours per day, almost every day. I was neglecting almost every other area of my life, becoming more and more worn out. I was trying to force something while ignoring my own self-care, my relationships, my businesses, sleep, yoga, etc.

The day after a particularly long day in the garden, I decided to “take it easy” and do some work cleaning up in and around the compost pile. There were things growing in and around the pile. Some of them looked like some sort of squash plant, so I transplanted a few of those to see what they would become, then started yanking out all of the weeds. There were 3 little trees with dark , waxy leaves. They looked interesting. I tried to pull one out, but ended up breaking it off. I went to the next one an more carefully dug it up. The little tree was coming from an avocado pit.

For 10 years, I tried to grow and avocado tree from a pit. For 10 years, every time I tried, it didn’t work or died shortly after starting to sprout. About a year ago, I decided to give up, just keep buying my avocados, and throw the pits into the compost bin. I sat down, right next to the gross, overgrown compost pile and had a little “aha” moment.

Part of my journey in life has been to realize that pushing beyond my own limits, over-achieving, and being constantly overwhelmed and busy is not something that is good for me. I have no one to impress and I deserve rest and peace. This garden had become a failure, in my mind, and I slipped right back into my old thought patterns. I became attached to the idea of my perfect, beautiful garden.

In the yamas of yoga, which are guidelines of how our relationship with the world should look, there is a practice called aparigraha, or non-attachment. It is the practice of allowing things to just be; not forcing an outcome; not holding-on to anything or anyone. It is knowing that everything is impermanent and changing. Aparigraha is about allowing things to be, in their own time, in their own way. These little trees, which I had tried to force into existence for so long, had suddenly appeared in a pile of trash after being tossed out. They reminded me that “to everything, there is a season”.

I potted those two little trees and went inside my house. I accepted that, this year, the garden would produce whatever it would produce. I stopped stressing over it and stopped forcing it. We still got some potatoes, squash, cucumbers, herbs, onions, sunflowers, tomatoes, radishes galore, peppers, strawberries, and 3 carrots. Yes, 3 lone little carrots survived. Lots of other things died, but we are enjoying what did survive and I am working on the garden as part of a balanced life.

And guess what? The avocado trees are growing strong and healthy.