Accept Yourself & Find Contentment
Every society has standards. Some of these standards are good and some are not. Without any standards, lawlessness and evil would run rampant at worst, and people would be exceptionally rude at best. But some standards, like beauty and lifestyle standards, are harmful.
In order to become a certified yoga teacher, I had to take an anatomy course. This was definitely the course I was least looking forward to and the most difficult one for me to pass. What I did find fascinating, however, was the vast number of ways the human body can be put together. I thought that everyone (almost everyone) had a body, 2 legs, 2 arms, and a head, so what could be so different about such a simple set-up? The bone structure of every person is different. I remember seeing a picture of numerous people's hip and leg bones. The plethora of ways just that small section of the body could differ from person to person blew my mind. We are all so beautifully varied!
I like to read, write, hike, travel, learn languages, and watch British television. I like vintage cars, 1950s design, tea, whiskey, tiny houses, and the color green. I have stretch marks, laugh lines, celiac disease, big shoulders, an even bigger nose, and trauma. I am a half-Egyptian, gluten-free, queer, curly-haired mother, business owner, singer, and hippie. This list does not completely capture me, but it gives a little taste of who I am. Perhaps you and I have a few things in common, perhaps we don't. This doesn't make me or my way of living wrong, nor does it make you or yours wrong. We are different. Blueberries are different from flour, but mix them together, along with a few other things, and you get something amazing, like muffins! (now I'm going to have to go make muffins...) It may be cliche, but I’m gonna say it anyway: life would be very boring if we were all the same.
What does this have to do with yoga? Well, the second of yoga's 8 limbs, or parts, are the niyamas, or the relationship with self. In the niyamas, santosha is contentment, svadyaya is self-study, and ishvarapranidhana is surrender. These three together encourage us to study ourselves, be content with it, and stop trying to force things or, to put it plainly, accept ourselves. Accept ourselves exactly where we are. Accept the fact that we have more to learn and grow into. Accept what's happening around us. Accept our inability to change anything but ourselves.
Our bodies are amazing! It works around the clock, sometimes making crazy shifts, just to keep us alive. It will overcome almost anything, if given the chance. Each of us have a mind that is like no one else's that is or has ever been or will ever be. Each of us have a unique set of life experiences, good and bad, that cannot be replicated. Even if there are way more bad things than good, this just means there are more tools to work with.
If you're anything like me, you've spent a decent amount of time bashing yourself, hating yourself, comparing yourself, and being mean to yourself. What good has all of that negativity done for you? Maybe accepting who you are, no matter what society says, and celebrating your uniqueness will give you what you are looking for. This is not a “be positive all the time” kind of call to action. Toxic positivity is real, it's not healthy, and it's pushed on people way too often, in my opinion.
Sometimes life just sucks. There's no way around that. Sometimes we will grieve. Sometimes we will be angry. Acceptance is not blind positivity, it is denying a reaction that could damage life further. Acceptance means contentment. It goes beyond our emotional states. Acceptance means seeing things for what they really are, remaining calm, and working towards whatever goals we set for ourselves in a loving way.
Hating yourself, others, or your life will only compound the problem. Accept that you will never look like anyone else. Accept that you are not like your family members. Accept that your relationship has ended. Accept that you lost your job. Accept that life did not turn out anything like you wanted it to. Feel the disappointment, the anger, the frustration fully. None of the feelings we feel are “bad” and none of them are “good”. They are all useful in their own way and a part of the human experience. Allow them to urge you to make changes. Allow them to fuel you. Just don't allow them to overpower you and don't focus on them so much that you miss everything else in life that's going on.
Accepting who we are and the world around us is the only way to true contentment. Contentment doesn't come from any outside source. The new job, partner, clothing, diet, phone, compliment won't do anything for us long term. Each of those things gives us a temporary dopamine boost and then fizzles out. Acceptance is the only way to be content.
Don't let society tell you that you can't wear dresses if you are a male, own a successful automotive repair shop if you are female, go to college if you grew up poor, love yourself if you're overweight and missing an appendage, quit your high paying job and live in a van, rebuild an amazing life if you're an ex-con, or make a difference in this world. Accept that you are you. As long as you are not causing harm to other beings, you can reach contentment, all on your own. Think about it: when was the last time you actually felt content?
The best stories have the heroes who went through the hardest trials. So be radically different than this emotionally stunted, unfulfilled, mundane society and accept yourself!!